Saturday, December 11, 2004

Running Through my Head

Yesterday was amazing. I felt as though I was floating through the clouds. It was like I was able to control what I was doing, but I felt that there was a force guiding everything. (My instinctual responses?) I could feel like I was drifting towards something or someone. It was just pure bliss, like I wanted to clip the moment out and save it, play it over and over, just for the purpose of reminding myself that what had just happened was as though I thought it was.

I hope that I didn't catch mixed signals. I couldn't contain myself, but I knew that I had to. One thing that made the most sense to me was playing with this cat. The kind of cat that has the blood of a bengal running through its veins. I had my intentions, and it took so much work to get it to come out right, but it eventually came out. It was as though I was truly interacting with nature, as opposed to its domesticated variation. This was the common theme underlying the main events of the night. Domestication versus Nature.

Every signal I received told me that this girl was secretly crazy for me, and I have to realize it and act upon it. To free both of us from our misguided journey into life. We are both going through the same phase in life, and I feel we are both going in the right direction with the wrong person. Every sign, every cue it all pointed to something, or hopefully not it was just me trying to find justification in interpretation.

It is too bad that I had an agenda that I want to accomplish. I want to become happy. And I encountered someone who truly offers me hope, of a companion who I would be satisfied with. I wanted to make something happen, but I realize how fragile the situation was. The last thing I want to do is to rush something so that it would never happen.

Just tell me that what I saw yesterday was the truth. Two people seeking each other, but seperated by something, something that can be overcome.

Tell me I'm not mixing the signals.

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