Saturday, December 18, 2004

Empty, though I desire it to be.

I have been secretly wishing / yearning for something more. An extension of myself rather. I want to be "all that I can be" or even more than I can be. All that I can be is what my environment rears me to succumb/rise to. I want to fly away, I want to just leap beyond what is currently my situation, not to run from my problems, but to go beyond, to do something more, more more..

I saw Regis Philbin on the tele today. It was a repeat of Kelly winning Apprentice. I recall the days when Regis was fresh, on top of things, I see him now and he's shaking, he's fragile, he's simply doing something that his body is no longer capable of. I also saw on the History chanel, It was a crew from these PT boats during WWII. The video shows them all running around a boat with there shirts off, just messin around. And years and years later they are interviewed on what they think of it all. I don't want to have to go through years later, I just want to capture the moment. But the bad part is that I can see how the moment isn't perfect. Its a blurred snapshot of my personal interpretation of happiness. I need to break free, not to escape, but to rise above.

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